Patience · Activity

The Forgiveness Garden

5th & 6th Grade

Activity: Students are guided by the teacher to practice conflict resolution skills using I statements and apologies.      Materials needed: Index cards, enough for 3 cards/student; writing materials, 3 charts:  (1) “Conflict Resolution Guidelines” (2) “I-Messages” (from the “Activity” that goes with “Cooperation, Levels 5,6”) (3) “How to Apologize and Mean It” (from the “Activity” that goes with “Cooperation, Levels 5,6”)   Chart: I-Messages I feel______when_________because_____________ (my needs).    Chart: Steps to Conflict Resolution: 
  • Step back and breathe - separate and take a breather to calm down
  • Get a mediator. If you have trained peer peace mediators, ask them to come help you discuss the issue. If not, ask a teacher if you think the conflict needs a third party. 
  • Mediation begins. Both sides need to listen fully to one another. Toss a coin to determine who goes first. When explaining your point of view use I statements - use the I statement chart for reference. No interrupting once a person starts sharing. Both sides get equal time. 
  • Brainstorm solutions. Discuss options that will be a win/win for both parties. 
  • Choose the best option. Make an agreement based on that. 
  • Follow up. Are we good? Check in. If there are still problems, repeat the process. 
  Chart: How to Apologize and Mean It  I’m sorry for__________. It was wrong because ___________. I think you feel__________. Is there anything I can do to make it better?    Directions: This activity works best when it’s divided into two parts, Day #1 and Day #2.    Introduce the topic: “Self-control” on Day #1. Link it to the story of “The Forgiveness Garden” through a recap of the story details, emphasizing the conflict resolution process that took place between the enemies. Present the chart: “Steps to Conflict Resolution,” and check for comprehension, making sure students understand why each step is necessary. Review the “I-Messages” chart and the “How to Apologize and Mean It,” chart, explaining that students will be referring to all three charts as they do an activity the next day.    On Day #2, students are given 3x5 cards and directed to write 2-3 sentences about a typical conflict that occurs at school or at home. Give prompts if needed, such as, (1) you accidentally bump into another student, and the other student is very angry, thinking you did it on purpose, (2) someone calls you names and hurts your feelings, (3) another student refuses to let you sit next to them. It’s up to each student to contribute their idea anonymously or sign their name.  Collect the cards and read them to the class. After each reading, choose a pair to come up in front of the class to resolve the conflict using I-messages, apology guidelines (when needed), and conflict resolution steps.  Coach students as they present. Invite their classmates to make suggestions. Because conflict resolution is hard to learn, this lesson should be repeated many times throughout the school year.  Wrap it up: The teacher concludes the lesson with encouraging comments on the progress students are making in learning this very difficult process of resolving conflict. Students are told that they will practice these methods frequently during the school year.
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